Saturday, September 5, 2009

oh, hi.

Goodbye, Summer of 2009. It's now September. How the HELL did that happen?!

Remember me? The person who apparently forgot she had a blog? Well, I'm back! I fell out of blogging (both posting and following) in the few weeks leading up to the bar, and after the bar, I just mentally disconnected from the blogging world all together. It's been just in the last week or so that I've made a conscious effort to start catching up with some of my favorites on Google Reader, and I'm happy to say that I am fully in love with the blogosphere again. Instead of looking at my "unread" count (which has been "1000+" for as long as I can remember) and cringing, I'm actually looking forward to new posts again. So now that the inspiration is back, I figure it's a perfect time to get back in the habit of posting.

So what's been going on with me? The bar is over, praise the Lord, except it's not really over because it will be another sixteen days until the results come out, and until I know once and for all whether I passed or not, it's still something that's hanging over my head. I hate to possibly jinx myself, but I think I passed. The test was hard, very hard, but it's about what I expected, and I have yet to talk to a fellow test taker who thought it was easy - a good sign since it's graded on a curve. It's entirely possible that I failed, but I really think I did enough to squeeze by. We'll see...please keep your fingers crossed for me. The notion of possibly having to take it again (while MOTHERING AN INFANT) is a nightmare way too horrid to even contemplate.

This pregnancy is in full swing. I just have to LAUGH when I look at the last thing I posted here, that pathetic excuse for a belly pic. Oh how naive I was, thinking that I was "showing." I've got a big, round, full-blown belly now. And - how ironic is this? - I have NOT been keeping up with weekly belly pictures. That's right...after religiously photographing myself every Wednesday for the first trimester and a half or so, when I had nothing to show for it, I completely abandoned the practice when I actually had changes going on that would have been super cool to capture on film. I have pictures that have been taken at various family events and with friends, but no honest-to-goodness, pose in front of the mirror, belly pic self photography. It's just something that fell by the wayside in the last manic weeks preparing for the bar, and I haven't picked it back up again. I also haven't written in my pregnancy journal since week 17 (BEFORE WE KNEW SHE WAS A GIRL! holy crap...). I'm a bad mom.

Where I've slacked in pregnancy documentation, I've more than made up for in mentally nesting. Emma Alexis's nursery is an obsession of mine. The topic deserves an entire post of it's own (which will be of epic proportion in length). As it stands, at six and a half months into the pregnancy, we have yet to purchase a single piece of furniture or any kind of decor for the room. Right now it's just an empty room that we painted light yellow...not as pale a shade of yellow as I wanted, and not as bold of a yellow as Gaby wanted. So it's a compromise. But I am happy with the results. It's cheery yet subtle. Between that, and our brand new Elfa closets (thanks, Mom!) in both the nursery and our bedroom, it's been just enough to make me feel like we've gotten a start on things, but not enough to make me feel like we've even started to make a dent in all that we need to do.

I am in a major holding pattern right now, anxious to see some progress, but also terrified to commit to anything. I've been dreaming of my first child's nursery for as long as I can remember, and I can't believe how little time I have left to actually make these decisions and start putting it all together. I have these grand visions in my mind and I'm really scared that I won't be able to live up to my own expectations for what I want her room to look like. But the clock is ticking, decisions must be made, and things must be definitely expect several posts on the topic in the coming weeks.

What else? Baby shower is coming up, October 17th, and my feelings on it are very similar to my feelings on the nursery...I know I need to get on the ball and start planning it but I am in this weird place where I keep telling myself that I have plenty of time before I need to make any real decisions when in reality I have not a lot of time at all.

My little Emma seems to be perfectly healthy so far, thank God, and she's a real fireball. I can't believe that just 2 months ago, I couldn't even feel her and she wasn't even big enough to make my stomach stick out. Now I feel her rolling around and jabbing me CONSTANTLY, and she's making me look like I'm smuggling a basketball under my shirt. We have an ultrasound this coming Wednesday, our first since the big ultrasound we had on July 7th, and I can't wait to see my little girl again. Gaby is doing great, just as much in nesting mode as I am, and desperately impatient to meet his little girl. My puppies (who I just realized I have barely posted enough about on this blog considering what a huge part of my life they are), are gorgeous and adorable as always...I can't believe Shula will be 3 in October and Stella will be 2 in November. They're still very young, but getting older every day, and yet they somehow haven't stopped being my "pups." I don't think I'll EVER see them as adult dogs.

My work situation is going really well so far...knock on wood. I am currently working part time and from home (a fabulous combination, I must say) and my boss and I will reassess the situation on September 21st when I get my bar results. There's a slight chance that I will start to go into the office full time, but more likely than not I will remain on a modified schedule, working 20-30 hours a week, primarily from home, until Emma is born. Not only because of my pregnancy and the toll it would take both mentally and physically to start a demanding full time job in the 3rd trimester, but also because of issues we are currently having with office space. My boss is looking to relocate, and until he does, there isn't really room in our current office for me to be there full time. The new office will likely be up and running early in 2010, meaning that my boss will be more than ready to welcome me as a full time associate in March, approximately 12 weeks after Emma's birth, which is the length of time I've decided to take off to be with her. The thought both terrifies me and excites me. I've been looking into daycares in the last month and I have so much to say on the whole topic of what we'll do with her when I go back to work that it's definitely going to need it's own post.

So there you have it. That's what I've been up to and what's on my mind. I don't think I have any readers that I'm not already close to because either a) you are my friend or b) you are a fellow poster on a message board I frequent. So chances are that most people reading this didn't really need that long, drawn-out update :) But it still made me feel better to share, and I think it's a great way to get the ball rolling again. Please feel free to call me out if I slack on the blogging again...I really want to stay current.